Sometimes – June 21, 2009

Sometimes…

Sometimes it’s hard to see
the forest because of the trees.
Sometimes it’s hard to see
the ocean because of the waves.
Sometimes it’s hard to see
our families because of its members.
Sometimes it’s hard to see
our neighbors because of the fences.
Sometimes it’s hard to see
our friends because of the personalities.

There is Someone, though,
who always sees it all.
He calls upon us to love one another
as He loves us.

Sometimes, even though sisters,
we may struggle to be friends.
Sometimes, even though believers,
we may struggle to truly love.
Sometimes, even while truly loving,
we may struggle to understand.

There is coming a time when
there will be no mistakes.
There is coming a time when
there will be no mis-communications.
There is coming a time when
there will be no misunderstandings.
There is coming a time when
there will be no more sin
or anger
or hurt
or disagreements
or separation of body or soul.

I look forward to that time
when all will be made right.
When we will come together
in His harmony and light.
Until that time I will
hold you in my heart
And pray that you are well
while we are apart.

 

 

©June 21, 2009

The Cost of Reality – April 12, 2009

The Cost of Reality

I reach out my hand.
Can you even begin to see
or understand
how very hard it is for me
to be in your world?

Can you sense the shaking
and trembling inside
as I wonder when and how
I am going to stumble?
When I will say or do
something that
makes me look stupid?
When my amnesia and
abuse effected mind will
trip me up?

Do you realize how hard it is
for me to try and look
“normal”?
To try and look as if I am
comfortable and OK
in your world?

Are you aware that I am not even
really IN your world?
That I struggle in a world
all my own?

Do you know how hard it is
to trust
that you are really
what I see?
That there is not something
else going on?

Do you have any idea
how much energy it takes
to be bravely hopeful
and always vigilant?
To wonder if
your friendship
is the “real deal”
or just another setup?
To be ever watchful
for the cue
that lets me know
that you might be
betraying me?
Or that your actions and words
are only out of
some sense
of duty?

Do you know how much
I HATE
feeling the way I do?
How much I HATE
knowing that I will always be
suspicious…even if only
subconsciously?

Do you understand the
cost
to me when I persist in trying to
trust you?
When I persist in trying to
let you in?
Do you know how much my
not walking away says
about how much I
value
your friendship?
I hope you do.

 

©April 12, 2009

Safe Place — July 19, 2004

Safe Place

I’ve got a really nice smile on my face,
But tears, I know, will quickly follow.

I try to keep on looking happy,
But my chest feels empty and hollow.

“Come and play with us!” they said.
“At the playground called Safe Place.”

They told me all about the games there.
It sounds like fun. I want to play.

So I go tell my Mommy about Safe Place.
Is it OK to go there? Can I play?

So she checks out Safe Place, the games they play.
She says go ahead, you are big enough.

She writes me a note that says it is OK,
OK for me to play the games at Safe Place.

Yippee! I am so, so excited.
I get to make new friends at Safe Place.

I show them the note and they say, “come on in!
Welcome to you, here’s the rules, jump on in.”

We all hold hands and I join in the games.
I am so happy I have a big grin.

I am making new friends, we have such fun,
I have no idea what is to come.

After awhile, they’re unhappy with me,
Because I fell down and scraped my knee.

“You don’t belong here anymore” they say.
“You don’t fit in here at our Safe Place.”

“Did you ask your Mommy if it is OK?
Does she know you have come here to play?”

“Did you tell her the kinds of games we play?”
Oh, I did! I did! She said it’s OK.

She said I could come here and play with you.
She said I could come here to Safe Place.

“Does she really know how big you need to be?”
Oh yes, she saw the games. She said I’m big.

“We’re so sorry. We saw you fall and we can see
That you’re too little – you’ve scraped your knee.”

But I’ve scraped it before, it’s really OK.
I know what to do, and I always heal.

“We can’t take a chance with you here at Safe Place.
You can’t change our minds – decision’s been made.”

“We know that you’re fun and that you play well,
But it does not matter because you fell.”

But my Mommy really said I could play,
That I’m big enough for the games.

“We are really sorry, but we can’t take a chance.
Your Mommy must tell us that you can play.”

Why won’t you believe me when I say
That she knows I play and thinks it OK?

“Our minds are made up, it’s no use to talk.
You can’t play anymore here at Safe Place.”

I’ve got a really nice smile on my face,
But tears, I know, will quickly follow.

I try to keep on looking happy,
But my chest feels empty and hollow.

I played the games so well, I don’t understand
Why they won’t believe me, I feel so sad.

I cannot figure out what I did wrong,
I followed the rules. I did nothing bad.

Sigh!

So I will play with all my other friends
At the other playground down the street!

Big Smile!

 

© July 19, 2004

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